Up Up and Away

GYMS DESERVE THIS

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired
last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take
this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount
on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my
membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work
out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around
$372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is
correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a
Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the
price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are
actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your
renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you
almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not
have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six
months.

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in
desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child
often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go
several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the
lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her
arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I
originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few
days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began
to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may
have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to
work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather
rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial
enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids,
it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our
most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying
to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms
you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the
low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is
an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless
professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well
and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during
recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our
money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as
kind of like those factories that provide a community service by
employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes.
Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f #% k yourself.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are
inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next
insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that
mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another
side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you
understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that
Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for
yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$%
was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those
around me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that
could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based
books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills.
When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added
angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters
fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each
other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually
listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be
worth a try.

Regards, David.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal
Due

Ok.

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership
Renewal Due

The middle one.
Up Up and Away

TURKEY

Well in a nutshell Turkey was really cool and friendly, did loads of stuff . Just damaged my shoulder a tiny bit on the last day :), and Taryn cut her leg open as well.

Also proposed to Taryn in the sea after all these years so now am finally engaged. I also got dunked for my troubles :)

Now I need another holiday to recover from this last holiday.
Up Up and Away

PEDDLE POWER

For all those who use peddle power to get around, especially those that use racers with proper cycling shoes that u have to clip into the peddle.
Can someone please tell me how the heck u use them, I thought it would be as simple as put shoe on and then get on bike, put foot on peddle and clip on - kinda like ski boots on skies. Well nope, its not that simple as that is what i did and the cleat didn't want to go into peddle.
So whats the secret of getting the stupid thing to clip in?

And yes for those that are wondering I have got a new bike now, and let me tell you it is soooo much better than the last one. Now lets just hope I don't get whacked off this one by some stupid blind motorist who shouldn't be driving.
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
Up Up and Away

SOUNDS OF A TURKEY

Ok here is a weired ? for you all.
In english a Turkey goes 'gobble gobble', in Mexico they apparently go 'bloggle bloggle'.
What sound does a turkey make in other countries and languages?
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
Up Up and Away

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP

Yay its snowing and quite a bit at that.
Tried to get into work, even managed to catch a tube until Bow Road then got kicked off and left stranded as all my tubes got suspended :). So Taryn came and picked me up after I walked, trudged through the snow for quite a while - my exercise for the next month has now been done heehee.
Going to go out soon and build a snowman that might land up having boobs if the woman have anything to say about it.
Now I guess I will have to phone the boss and inform her I turned back and finally got home - well that is if I can get through to her as everytime I phone a message comes up saying Network Busy.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful
Up Up and Away

YOU KNOW YOU WANNA

Hi All,

Come on and donate something, help me get my figures up PLEASE

During Movember (the month formerly known as November) I'm growing a Mo. That's right I'm bringing the Mo back because I'm passionate about tackling men's health issues and being proactive in the fight against prostate cancer.
You can donate to my Mo by either:
1. Clicking this link https://www.movember.com/uk/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink®o=2152671&country=uk and donating online using your credit card or PayPal account, or
2. Writing a cheque payable to 'The Prostate Cancer Charity Re: Movember', referencing my Registration Number 2152671 and mailing it to:
The Prostate Cancer Charity
First Floor Cambridge House
100 Cambridge Grove
Hammersmith
London W6 OLE
The money raised by Movember is used to raise awareness of men's health issues and donated to The Prostate Cancer Charity which will have an enormous impact on many men's lives and the awareness will help us to fight prostate cancer on every front - through research, support, information and campaigning.
Did you know...
• Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men in the UK. 35,000 men are diagnosed every year and one man dies every hour.
• 1 in 11 UK men will be diagnosed in their lifetime .
For those that have supported Movember in previous years you can be very proud of the impact it has had and can check out the details at:
[ Fundraising Outcomes ].
Movember culminates at the end of month Gala Partés. If you would like to be part of this great night you'll need to purchase a [Gala Parté Ticket].
Thanks for your support,
Hamish
Up Up and Away

WIN

Welltoday at work was really cool. Finished all the work by 11:30am then I got a bit bored so I rolled smokes till about 1:00pm. Went to the pub and met Taryns brother and a friend for a couple of pints YAY. Got back to work at 2:00pm to discover that I had actually won a raffle prize. I was thinking it was a booby prize well it turned out to be a really cool booby prize I tell you.It was a LAPTOP. So now I have a laptop and a computer WHOOOOPEEEEEEEEEE. So I spent the afternoon playing HEEHEE
Up Up and Away

Meme thingy

If you saw ME in a police car, what would you think I got arrested for?

Answer me, then post to your own journal if you want, and see how many crimes you get accused of.